How to Handle Earning More (or Less) Than Your Partner Without It Getting Awkward

Money & Relationships: When One of You Earns Significantly More

Love doesn’t keep score, but let’s be honest—money dynamics can get awkward fast when there’s a noticeable income gap in a relationship. Whether you’re the higher earner, the lower earner, or somewhere in between, navigating finances without resentment, guilt, or silent judgment is key.

Let’s talk about how to make it work without turning money into a relationship minefield.

1. Acknowledge the Income Gap (Without Making It Weird)

Ignoring the income difference won’t make it disappear. Whether one of you is climbing the career ladder faster or chose a lower-paying profession, money is a factor in how you share expenses, make lifestyle choices, and plan for the future.

Solution: Have an open conversation about how each of you feels about the gap. Does it create pressure? Resentment? Relief? Getting on the same page avoids hidden frustration down the line.

2. Splitting Expenses Fairly (Not Necessarily Equally)

Going 50/50 on everything sounds fair until one partner is left struggling while the other barely notices the cost. Instead of splitting equally, try split proportionally based on income.

Example: If one person earns £70k and the other earns £30k, instead of both contributing £1,000 to rent, adjust contributions based on percentage of income (e.g., 70% vs. 30%).

This way, both partners contribute fairly without financial strain on the lower earner.

3. Avoid ‘Financial Power Plays’

The higher earner shouldn’t dictate every financial decision, and the lower earner shouldn’t feel like they have no say in major purchases. Money should be a tool to build a shared life, not a source of control.

Solution: Make joint financial decisions together, regardless of who earns more. Whether it’s where to live, what car to buy, or how much to save, both partners should feel equally involved in financial planning.

4. Be Thoughtful About Guilt (On Both Sides)

If you earn more, don’t feel guilty about it. And if you earn less, don’t feel ashamed. Different salaries don’t mean different levels of contribution—just different ways of adding value to the relationship.

Avoid phrases like:

• “I pay for everything, so I should decide.”

• “You don’t contribute enough.”

• “I feel bad that you always cover the bill.”

Instead: Talk about how each person contributes, financially and otherwise (household work, emotional support, planning for the future, etc.).

5. Set Lifestyle Expectations Early

Just because one partner can afford luxury holidays and Michelin-starred dining doesn’t mean the other is automatically comfortable with that lifestyle. It’s important to set shared expectations for spending and saving.

Example: If the higher earner wants to travel more expensively, they can cover more of the cost—or agree to alternative trips that suit both partners’ budgets.

Final Thoughts: It’s About Teamwork, Not Competition

A salary gap doesn’t have to mean a power struggle. The key is communication, fairness, and mutual respect—so both partners feel financially secure without the awkwardness.

p.s. not advice obvs!